A Song for the Road

A few days ago, as I left for work, I felt compelled to turn on the radio "right now". So, having learned by now to listen to that little voice, I did. Here's the song that was playing. Talk about WOW!!! I feel like it's loosely my walk with God put to song.

"Far Away"
By Nickelback

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

Back on Track

Well, it's not quite been a year since the final thumping started. In that time, I've had the opportunity to meet W.O.M.E.N., be a part of rebuilding my mother's faith, witness in one way or another to quite a few complete strangers, and have the opportunity to have some real quality time with one of my nephews (what a promising young man he is).

I've also had the opportunity to explore the gifts that have been given to me and understand the office I move in. Needless to say, a whole lot of stuff in a real short time.

I see God's hand clearly in my everyday life, and boy am I grateful for it. Christine and I were baptized together on her birthday. Officially a new start for us in the right direction.

These days, we start every day with prayer, and Christine and I more often than not spend the waking hours after Logan goes to bed reading either the Scriptures or related books. Needless to say, God is no longer on the back burner.

Oh, and the drinking. Well, I still enjoy a beer from time to time, but the desire for it is gone. NO MORE HANGOVERS!!!! :)

This is the end of the history part of this blog. If you've managed to get this far without falling asleep, I hope this summary of my walk with God has some meaning for you. There are so many details I've omitted, but this wasn't meant to be a book. So, just the highlights for now.

May God bless you and keep you dear reader. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Thump to the Back of the Head #3

Here we are near the end of 2004. Things were going great. Our son Logan had been born of April of that year, financially we were not great but ok, and life in general was pretty good.

One morning, Christine was reading the paper and came across a job opening at the West Covina Unified School District. She showed it to me, and I read it and handed it back. I was perfectly content where I was and wasn't looking for a new job. Her words "well, you're going to apply aren't you?". Ok, when you're married you learn a lot about each other. Tone is a big one to pay attention to. So, I polished up my resume, filled out the application and sent it off.

Surprise, I wound up getting the job and taking on a very challenging and exciting position.

Now, before I'd mentioned that I was keeping God in a special place on the back burner. He was still there. However, slowly but surely He was making his presence known, and He wasn't too happy about where I was keeping Him.

Enter Ronnie. Also known as Thumper Jr.. I often refer to the Holy Spirit as Thumper, and boy she gets used a lot to relay messages that land with a thud.

From the time she became a part of our department, we've talked about religion and faith. In the beginning, the discussions were light, but they got deep quick. The major thump in this part of my life was the realization that the gifts mentioned in the New Testament were still alive and well.

When I first figured out that she was right and they were still around, and that I'd been given a few that I'd never properly identified before, boy was I upset. All those years in church, Christian home schooling, etc. None of them had prepared me for this or led me to even believe that they still existed.

Now, I was officially curious again. I wanted to know more. Started reading my Bible again. Started reading all kinds of books. I had officially started onto the on ramp.

Thump to the Back of the Head #2

Now, just so we're clear here. Just cause I was starting on the road back doesn't mean I was anywhere close to the freeway. I was still drinking like a fish, cattin' around, and generally yukin' it up.

Enter Christine, my beloved wife, mother of our children (and Auntie to our daughter--long story), and truly a blessed woman. We met (you guessed it) at a bar on July 3, 2000. I'm not going to go into the details of that night, but the next morning changed both our lives forever.

After I left that morning, I couldn't get her out of my head. We were supposed to meet later that day for the fireworks in downtown Houston. She didn't show. Boy was I mad. I wrote her off and went back to it. A little over a month later, I get a phone call. Guess who. Coulda knocked me over with a feather. Well, after much time on the phone and computer, she moved back out to Houston, and we were married in December of 2000. Not only did I become a husband that day, but I also became a father as well. My oldest son and first son, Ricky.

Through a weird set of circumstances, desires, and interesting times, we wound up here in SoCal around August 2001. I was looking for work, and having NO luck. I was talking to my brother Pat, and he asked if I was looking at work in universities at all. Well, no, I hadn't been, but I started. As is true of every job I've had since we've been married, Christine found what was to be my employer for the next three years.

Around Thanksgiving 2001 I started work at Azusa Pacific University. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, that's a Christian college founded in the Wesleyan persuasion. To be considered for employment, you had to put your statement of faith on the application. So, once again the Good Lord not so gently reminded me that he was still there.

Three years with some very Godly men and women who helped me deal with issues of comparing myself to others, thinking I wasn't good enough for God's grace anymore, etc. They truly helped me grow and heal.

Christine and I went to church a few times in there, but we never found a place where we felt at home.

That said, I still wasn't at a total point of going back. I was keeping God in a special little spot on the back burner to be used when necessary.

Thump to the Back of the Head #1

Ya know, with some of us the good Lord takes a subtle approach. Then there are those of us who are so hard headed that we need a not so gentle thump on the back of the head with a 2x4. Now, in case you're a little fuzzy on lumber terminology, that is a piece of lumber 2 inches thick and 4 inches wide. Makes a dandy club when cut to the right length.

So, here I am in Houston livin' it up. The project manager for the company I worked for invited me to his church. It was a casual invitation, and I thought about it. What I missed entirely was that the Sunday I agreed to go was also Father's Day. This was June 18th, 2000.

So, in my blissful ignorance (which is strange cause I remembered to call Dad) I went to church that Sunday. Oh boy. The sermon (you guessed it) was about fatherhood and recognizing the fathers in the congregation. The whole sermon I was squirming in my seat thinking about the abortion. I was being beaten up one side and down the other. Then, to top it all off, the preacher asked all the fathers in the congregation to stand and be recognized. Major deer-in-the-headlights moment. I didn't know what to do. Ultimately, I just sat there and suffered.

Finally, the service was over. Man, I could not get out of there fast enough. I all but ran for my truck. I wound up calling my sister Colleen on the way home and dumping on her. She was very understanding and supportive, and told me something that has stuck with me since. She said that since I had done this, I would have that much more love for my children when they came.

Lots to ponder, guilt to deal with, being convicted soundly, and not wanting to step foot in another church EVER again. That was Father's Day 2000 for me, and officially the first major thump in a series that changed the course of my walk back towards the Lord and his everlasting grace.

Goin Sideways

Little more background. I was home schooled by my Mom from 4th grade thru 12th. I was truly blessed with that. My mother's faith has always been a source of amazement for me, and her commitment to seeing me educated the way she and Dad thought was best has been a blessing to me throughout my life. However, all that Bible based schooling, being raised in a Christian household, and regular chruch didn't stop me from takin' a walk on the wild side.

Let's see, I started drinking around 16, and when I hit college I went all out. During my first year of college, Mom had a broken back (got knocked over by a horse) and Dad had a kidney transplant. Add that to a full class load, four part time jobs, and keeping up a farm cause I lived at home. So, since I'd decided to turn my back on God, I decided Jack Daniels would be a good substitute.

Well, long story short on that. I've had alcohol poisoning three times, and never been to a hospital. I did manage to graduate college, and started out my first job doin well in Philadelphia. By this time I felt that I was so far from God, that he wouldn't have me back. So, I kept goin. Women, lots of booze, experimenting with illegal stuff. Then I really got screwed up and wound up with an abortion on my record and a psychotic girlfriend that got me started on a web of lies to my parents.

Lying to my parents. Now that was truly hell. It ate at me constantly. Finally after three years, Miss Psycho did me a favor, screwed up royally, and gave me a good excuse to kick her out. After that was finished, I went home and fessed up to my parents. I had to set the record straight.

Fast forward a little bit. I was transfered to Houston to help start a new division in the company I worked for. I was feeling good. I was makin good money, had a great place to live, nice truck, and lots of "entertainment". Something was still off though. I still hadn't forgotten about God, my upbringing, or what it meant to be a Christian. Still wasn't ready to go back though. I was having too much fun when I wasn't hung over.

Early Start

As long as I can remember, church has been a part of my life. Of course, growing up with it like that can make you tend to take it for advantage. I very clearly remember Pastor Morey (Dr. Robert A. Morey) for some reason. I can't really remember all that he said, just that he made an impression.

I guess the next pastor figure who made a real impression on me was Pastor Ken Mick. Truly a man of God. I watched him struggle for years to light a fire in our church. It was kinda like watching someone try to light a camp fire in a thunderstorm. However, of all the Sunday school teachers, my Christian home schooling, etc., he was the one who has stuck in my head and heart all these years.

I was saved at 14 and baptized. Looking back, I said the words and meant them, but I didn't really understand what it meant to live it. Being a teenager in the throes of that hormone saturated time of life, living up to Christian ideals was almost impossible for me. Try as I might, I just couldn't seem to walk the walk.

So, around 17 I pretty much gave up. I decided it was time to walk my own walk and do my own thing. I never stopped believing in God or salvation thru Jesus Christ, but I wanted to do my own thing. So, off I went.